Wow, life is crazy!

So I dropped this blog pretty much after I started my new job in January 2008 (see last post). It turned out to be the job from hell. I survived 2 years there, but it turned out to be everything I had suspected it was going to be and then some. It literally was killing me. I worked no less than 60 hours a week - most weeks were between 75 and 80 hours. I was constantly threatened with loss of my job. The environment was completely hostile. I was never so thankful to have left a job in my life.

Now, I am taking some time off and trying to find the next right thing for me. Maybe I will even blog a bit - LOL! The biggest question for me now is "Do I want to remain in Recruiting?" These last 4 years have been less than enjoyable and I can't honestly remember what the source of joy was that I used to experience. I have a lot of soul searching to do...

Hmmm...

I am still trying to figure out if this blogging thing is really worth the amount of time it takes to do (I guess it takes about 10 minutes, so who cares, right?) I keep thinking that it will be, but so far no evidence of that. I suppose if I were writing about something useful or interesting, somebody else might want to read it :)

I am winding down things at my old job. Feels weird really. I feel sad for leaving it all behind after having worked so hard to create it. But then again, it was depressing watching it all fall apart before my eyes and fighting every bit of it along the way. Now, at least, I can leave while it is somewhat in tact and feel like I did what I needed to do for me.

I am very nervous about life on the other side. Worried that I really am not qualified for the new job like I thought in my interview. Worried that the new job will be too demanding on me and impact my family again. Worried that my new boss is as scary as I suspect she is - not to metion that people are coming out of the woodwork to confirm this! And lastly, worried that it will all be one huge mistake and I will have to start my search over again. But that is all part of life's big gamble - win some and lose some. Time will tell.

Life is good :)

I quit my job last week and man does it feel good. Unfortunately, I still have to deal with all the BS for another 3 weeks. I was having a hard enough time getting motivated to do it and now I really am not motivated to do it at all. The best thing happened today though, my now former boss wanted to tell me about a coworker throwing me under the bus - again - and I was able to honestly say "I don't give a f*&#$!" It was great - very satisfying. A little immature, I'll give you that, but man it felt good.

Man, this business never ceases to amaze me

So after my last entry, I get a call from the people that had me convinced I was no longer employable, offering me a job. Go figure. So now we go through the dance to determine if this really makes sense for us to do. On the up side, it is nice to know I have options. On the downside, I hate changing jobs. I am really just in the mood to do nothing for a while. Wish I could afford that. Maybe next lifetime.

So Seattle continues to be a high-tech, start-up hot bed. The number of people I know leaving the old brick and mortal companies for start-ups is on the rise again. I just hope that not so many completely crash and burn this time around. I personally love start-ups. I love the lure of the big payoff. I love being everything that has to do with Recruiting and then some. It is really awesome. I love that kind of passion for my work. I just hope that I can find it again myself soon.

Why Recruiting?

After figuring out that blogging was just an online journal and I could forget about the fancy stuff, I turned my thoughts back onto why I started this blog in the first place: Because I am a Recruiter. Or at least I used to be. Now I have a management job and I don't get much time to do the things I love to do - at least I used to love them. My job now, especially post acquisition, is all about paperwork. We're talking all day, every day. And as if that weren't enough, I met with a group of my peers, who through organic conversation, basically pointed out that I am no longer marketable. Talk about a serious bummer. So now I have a job I hate and it turns out I can't get another! And then one of them went so far as to say I wasn't even a good people manager, because the people aren't the part of my job that gets me out of bed in the morning. So with my self-esteem completely in the toilet, I am looking at how do I turn this sinking ship around - LOL! I plan to get back to my roots. I am going to recruit, every day!, if it kills me in the process. Fuck the paperwork. I have a life to save - my own.

Why blogging?

I opened this account about 4 years ago and have never done anything with it. I thought it would be a great thing for my company at the time to have a place where the recruiting group could talk about the company and the culture and whatever else a potential employee might be interested in. But I never had the time to get to it. I thought it needed to be something more well-thought-out all the time and that I had to be witty or clever or brilliant or something, but turns out that stream of consciousness works too - LOL! I really had high hopes for this, again as a professional tool, but now I think I will use this just for my own forum to vent, rant, ramble, whatever.

As it is today, the company I work for was acquired about 18 months ago. Since then, things have changed - a lot! Most of the "old timers" aren't very happy and we all have this look on our faces like "Why am I still here and why are you here too?" It is sad really. We had all worked really hard to make the company a great place to work and now it is falling apart. The culture is degenerating rapidly into a bureaucratic nightmare. Never in a millions years did I see myself working for a company like this. It saddens me to see it evolve into this, but I am helpless to stop it.

So life goes on. Today I am taking the time to stop and think about what matters to me most. What things interest me? Why do I stay here? What do I like about it? What am I missing? Eventually all this contemplation will lead me to a new adventure of some sort, just not sure what.

Stay tuned.